Anything and everything is ‘yours’ these days – it’s a relentless barrage of personalisation
“Welcome aboard your 17.53 London Overground service to Stratford. Your estimated arrival time is 18.54. Please keep your personal belongings with you at all times. CCTV is in operation for your personal safety and security. Your next stop is Kew Gardens. Above your seats you will see posters advertising upgrades for your mobile, online dating sites helping you find your partner, and an on-demand TV box which lets you watch your favourite shows at your convenience. Adjacent to your seats you will find a safety notice for your information. Please don’t hesitate to find me located towards the middle of your train should you require any assistance during your journey.”
OK, so not all of that was actually said over the Tannoy on the 17.53 from Richmond to Stratford yesterday, but between the announcements, the ads and the safety notices, it was a barrage of personalisation. It was exhausting. How have we come to this, where anything and everything is yours regardless of whether you’ve bought it, care about it or would worry if it carried on existing without you? That train, for example. It wasn’t mine – or yours if you were on it too. The 17.53 would still have departed from Richmond and got on with the journey to Stratford if I’d stayed at home. Or if I’d turned up, had a change of heart and taken the District line instead.
And I wasn’t getting off at Kew Gardens, so that wasn’t my stop. It turned out to be hers, that lady sitting next to me. She got off at Kew. I wasn’t planning on going all the way to Stratford either, so 18.54 wasn’t my estimated arrival time. I’d be off at 18.06 at the latest, and ordering a G&T in an Acton pub by 18.23.
Is this a way, I wonder, to make us feel valued and included as customers and passengers? Or to shift responsibility on to us in the hope that we’ll be less aggressive if something goes wrong? That might explain the obsequious train announcements. It’s kind of your problem, they say. But the adverts? I wonder if they are coaxing you towards spending money on something by telling you that you’re halfway to owning it. Your partner, your mobile upgrade, your TV on demand. Pay for these things. They’re being stored for you in a vault marked “yours”. All you need to do is click and collect.
I’m no longer convinced. It might have been clever and effective when just a few things were personalised and singled out as yours, making you feel special. Just think how fresh “only at your M&S” once sounded, way back when, before the second person possessive pronoun was attached to every other commodity and experience on earth as well. This year, TK Maxx’s Christmas advert wants you to “love your Christmas”. It’s gone too far. It’s too much pressure. I’m keeping all my personal belongings with me at all times, and they’re weighing me down.
The pressure needs releasing. I’d like to see a return of simple old articles, definite and indefinite. It’s not going to be easy. With the unstoppable rise of your, poor old “the” and “a” are falling into unemployment. “Use PIN pad to complete transaction,” spat the WH Smith self-service checkout at me the other day. Two jobs there for a very willing “the”. Or even – and this is the ideal – one job for “the” and one for “your”. Since the PIN pad belongs to WH Smith but this particular transaction was mine, it would be reasonable for the machine to instruct: “Use the PIN pad to complete your transaction.”
To achieve that happy coalition, we first need to make some space for definite and indefinite articles. Please give up your seats for articles less able to stand. I want to get on the 17.53, use the PIN pad, find a partner and enjoy the journey. Are you with me?
Twitter: @MadsYork
via Media: Mind your language | theguardian.com http://www.theguardian.com/media/mind-your-language/2012/dec/14/mind-your-language-articles
